I’m glad you’re evil too.
By: @izumiiorin
Song: I’m glad you’re evil too.
Characters: Izumi Iori, Yotsuba Tamaki
It felt like first love to the boy.
Every so often, Iori would stumble over his words or get lost in his thoughts. The best way he could describe it was a middle schooler experiencing his first crush.
His fingers would tremble as his hand reached for his partner’s. No amount of warmth from Tamaki’s hands could melt away the anxiety Iori still felt. Days, then weeks, then months would go by, and the same fluttering feeling would reverberate in his heart. He could never voice how he felt. It would always come out wrong. What Iori would give to be able to tell Tamaki how he felt.
Two slightly lonesome idols dancing to the rhythm of each other's hearts; two mere boys making the best out of their time together. On occasion, Tamaki would tug Iori away from practice to watch the sunset together. They would idly chat about nothing in particular, just enjoying the company of one another. Iori cherished moments where it was just the two of them, tucked away from the prying eyes of the rest of the world. It contrasted their lives that they had chosen—their lives as idols. Moments like this made it feel like time had frozen just for them and made Iori feel that he could take things slow for once and calm down. His analytical brain that never stopped working finally took a break from analyzing things that wouldn’t matter much. Instead, his brain analyzed Tamaki. His features, the hues of azure in his eyes, the way his hair stuck out, even the way his adam’s apple would bob when he swallowed. Iori drank in the analysis of Tamaki, the person who had changed him for the better.
Because of Tamaki, Iori had realized how cold and vile his world was. His heart was comprised of fear and anxiety. Iori was afraid of showing his true self; that much was evident to anyone who knew him. He felt his true self would be rejected by his parents, his brother, his peers, his own group mates. He lived in a constant, swirling cesspool of fear. To others these emotions would be comical. He knew how irrational his fears were, but his anxiety never made much sense. With Tamaki, however, he learned that his life didn’t have to be that way if he didn’t want it to be. He didn’t have to put up a guise of being as serious as he pretended to be. He was allowed to be himself. Gradually, as he spent more time with Tamaki, his world began to crumble away. Amidst the remains, the sun finally began to warm the land. Flowers bloomed, birds sang, and his once lonely, lifeless heart was given a new life. This was the life Iori was ignorant to for so long. The childish, sometimes a bit stubborn side of Tamaki brought out the true Iori, who couldn’t help but laugh at the boy.
Still, it felt wrong. Their relationship was to be kept a secret, and Iori knew how painful that must have been for Tamaki. Sometimes, he too wished to broadcast to the heavens how much he adored Tamaki. The idol world itself was one that seemed bright from in the crowd yet dark from the stage. Their modest happiness existed in the darkness, away from the blinding stage lights. He felt as if he were being despicable to his fans. Idols were supposed to be for everyone, for the fans, not for each other. Still, the two strived for the day they could scream to the world their true feelings. They chased that hope, even if their struggles halted them, by repeating the same words time and time again to each other. They were an unstoppable, youthful pair who shared the same emotion.
Another thing that came with their romance was a hyper awareness of emotions. For Iori, he began to feel certain things and subsequently understand why he felt that way. One emotion he could never place, however, was a troubling one. Specifically, he would start to feel a little nervous, a bubbling pit in his chest that would drop down to his stomach. Each time Iori would contemplate these feelings, Tamaki would be there to remind him of the fluttering feeling. Be it shared outrage at a news article, gushing over small animals, or laughing until they cried at a variety show, the two were having the time of their lives together. That was what mattered most to Iori. This foreign feeling that emerged from the rubble of an old, isolated world was sweeter than anything Iori had ever felt before. The warmth of the sun, only recently beginning to shine down on him... No, that wasn't true. The sun always shone down on him, but only now was Iori allowing himself to bask in its warmth.
Small moments became even more valuable to Iori, though he knew Tamaki would probably tease him for it. Whether it be the memories of a photoshoot the group had during the summer where Tamaki and Iori snuck off to watch fireworks together, going to a restaurant together after school and eating dinner, or simply reading over old scripts from Ainana Academy, every moment was delicately preserved in Iori’s mind. Every emotion he felt in that moment was frozen in the memory. That was the idol pair—two lost souls who no longer felt alone, making each other as happy as they could be. Iori would still constantly dote on Tamaki while they were on their so-called “dates”, but that seemed more like their dynamic. Tamaki didn’t seem to mind as long as Iori didn’t belittle him, which was a work in progress. Going from being near enemies to lovers was a sharp change and sometimes ‘you idiot’ would still slip from Iori’s mouth. It was expected. The boy had belittled Tamaki so much that it was almost reflex. Tamaki found a solution to curbing it, much to Iori’s delight. For every belittlement of themself or each other, they would owe each other a kiss to the degree they deemed apt for an apology. Tamaki utilized this to break Iori’s cool demeanor in school, but since they’d gotten more serious, there hadn’t been as many chances as he’d hoped for.
Now, even if Iori tried to seem like his usual stoic self, it felt fake to him. A persona that had felt so natural, so human to him, was now a mask that he somehow grew out of. The idol persona his fans adored had become corrupt, and Iori had subsequently turned heinous. He would never be that “good person” that once stood up on stage. The revelation of this made him melancholic, but through it all, Tamaki held him, comforting him. Somehow, it was enough.
Once again, Iori felt like it was his first love.
The old, detached Iori was consumed in the malevolence. Going behind their fans backs? Villainous. Lying to the media? Nefarious. However, neither cared. Their shared, scandalous secret was beautiful to the partners, and that was enough for them.
As days progressed to the current, Iori’s steps felt lighter. His vile side had seemingly manifested itself as a bundle of feathers dyed raven on his back, as if to say the weight of the world could no longer perturb him. Tamaki waited for him at the school gates, and from there, they would walk together to the dorms. When they ran out of things to talk about, Iori would look back on their memories together.
Whether it be gazing at the sunset, being enamored with a small kitten, or simply arguing over a false report on a fellow idol. From laughing at a horrible movie, or weeping while watching a variety show, Iori was sure they were spending their time together well and having the most fun they could. He prayed Tamaki felt the same, but knowing him, he had his own share of favorite memories. Boldly, Iori slipped his fingers between Tamaki’s as they walked. Tamaki laughed and squeezed his boyfriend’s hand.
One day would come where they would no longer exist together, but to Iori, it felt like some neverending punchline. He had Tamaki to keep him company in his all too short existence, and together, they’d laugh at how lame the world was, calling it out for its boringness. In the end, Iori was sure they’d still be leaning on each other's shoulders. He was certain that as time went by and their youth melted away into adulthood, they’d still be supporting each other even when the crowd no longer remembered them.
Finally, Iori felt confident enough to voice these feelings. He gathered his thoughts, looking up at Tamaki. “Yotsuba-san.” Iori stopped walking, his fingers slipping from Tamaki’s hand. Tamaki stopped a ways in front of him and turned to his boyfriend. “What’s wrong, Iorin?”
“Nothing, I’m just…” The words caught in his throat. Iori merely shook his head and smiled as genuinely as he ever had, thankful he’d fallen in love with Tamaki. Thankful he’d been blessed with the opportunity to live another day with Tamaki by his side.
“I’m glad you’re evil too.”