How does it feel to be composed whilst playing to the script you have made up in that shallow mind of yours? What is the motive behind such shallowness that is even called ‘darkness’? What is the type of darkness that brews within the mind of Minami Natsume? He feels sick and tired within this closed space of his room, the covers have been tossed onto the floor and he stares up at the empty ceiling.

For this life, it’s so, unbelievably, filled with people of abundant popularity and all they do is hog the spotlight and never share with others. Those people must be defiled, but how so? By exposing their deepest secrets and sins they have committed in the past? But then, people will refute by saying ‘it was in the past, we can forgive them.’ Is it really true to forgive someone’s actions in the past, or is it just holding some grudge against them?

The empty ceiling becomes a bore and Minami lays on his side, gazing at the wall and he cannot figure out the color due to the dark texture that has layered itself within this room. This place doesn’t even feel like his room, which is the funny part of this situation. Oh, how he wishes his parents were around in these times to where he could say to the figures,


“Mom, I’m going to sleep now.”


But what would the mother figure ever say? And oh, how Minami wants to escape from all of these thoughts and his own dark influenced mind, where did the influence come from and these questions of himself become so boring. He could turn on the lights and get out a notebook, let out all of this negative energy but then that would be farming even more negativity, making him a machine solely for that purpose.

But would there ever really be a song about darkness and hiding it? It seems too common to be him, but does anyone else know about the insides and outsides of Minami Natsume?

The thought of writing resurfaces as the man slowly rose from his bed and sits up. He squints and takes a brief look around, he has written his thoughts before, pieces of paper, crumbled and clean are spread out in this room that can feel like heaven and a prison. Nothing will change, won’t such? Stupidity can drown someone and make them choke, poison sneaking into fragile lungs and infecting the mind. Minami hopes he has not caught that disease, then his mind would be clouded and judgment would be twisted.

Due to the messy conditions of his room, one might suggest that prodigy was experiencing horrible things to cause messes within his room and throw all of his written ideas all around making more trouble for himself than ever before. Oh, anyone please, leave him alone, is he coming of his teen ages finally? If so, how does it feel, mister Minami? If not, then how would it feel with mental breakdowns and urges of wanting to be cut off from this red string of fate of life?

He doesn’t want a spoiled dish or anything at all, these pajamas are bothering Minami because they feel like a second skin. Everything and anything will become second skin to anyone, he puts the back of his hand on his forehead to check if he is really sick. One might think he’s depressed at this point, but what could have caused this? From this situation, can he hope tomorrow he is gone and no longer within this world where childish masks override dark thoughts and fortune telling has to renew itself and go against the teller?

Though, if Minami were to off himself, there would be someone to revive him over and over until they ended up in a cycle of life and death. That would be boring and repetitive, such things, Minami knows too well inside his bones.

Natsume will be gone, one day, he believes, running away is one example as people of any class can drop off the face of the planet. But even that won’t help this feeling, it’s forever stuck in your mind like voices at midnight who scream ‘facts’ at you and you find yourself telling other people about it, they’re concerned for you.

Drowning in your own mind, the darkness, put your heart into your work, talent wasn’t even needed… whatever happens, we just have to accept it and go on. Even if the voices say this and that, you have to go here and there. Choke on the facts and let the cold sea envelope you for eons, trapped in a room that reminds Natsume of too many things, such as the fact that he is a person that hides behind his own smile.

Sometimes, Minami wants to use his fortune telling on himself but he has the spiraling feelings of dread in him when he tries it. Does he already know the future that is bound to come? Is that why? It seems like a silly reason… there are times of deja vu when we do things, whatever it may be, for what gives birth to feelings of deja vu, the sea of depression, all of these feelings we view as unwanted?

Minami leaves his bed, everything is dark and he stumbles a bit. He feels like he is standing but his head is reeling, perhaps he had gotten some health-related things such as water…? The man feels sick, but he can’t understand way, is it because of the silence that will soon haunt him the more time he is awake and living. To get out of situations like these, we typically believe there is a rope you can use to save yourself in a way.

Oh, but what happens if that rope is out of reach? Then thou will suffer, for you yearn too much and that is your downfall. We the people who cling to false ideals and justices, fighting together while being against one another since we don’t know ‘harmony’. But what is harmony to Minami? Is it being with ZOOL, all together and just living in the moment?

Yes… yes… that is harmony, surely, it has to be...all of them together. Not forever, as that happens in child like fantasies that were brought to us when we were young. We can only savour our memories for so long, sweet becomes bitter and sour in out mouths.

Turn the lights on, his mind says. 

His body doesn’t move at all… should he really listen to a mind that fills him to the brim with horrid thoughts? Things transform ourselves to slaves for negativity and pouring our hate on others is disgusting, it will never take us anywhere.

Back to the trope of this drawing void where he feels like nothing will relieve him, not even harmony. Minami can run, he can escape but the past will still haunt us, for it is up to thy to see  if you wish to keep remembering your past or forgetting it completely to start a new life.

Had Minami done that long ago, if he ran and ran… would he still run back to ZOOL? To this life, but flipped upside down and a life where he isn’t standing in the dark rethinking every little choice he made in his life?

Perhaps Natsume can open up to his bandmates…

But they deal with their own problems too.

Natsume Minami doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone or anything, so he must deal with this mentality by himself. By peering into ourselves and finding out who we are, everything can piece together, fueling our desires to make things for the right way or the wrong way, whatever we see fit.

He can solve this by himself, starting with… no longer hiding darkness behind the face has made. All masks break in the end, but we bother to make them for the sake of pleasing people and perhaps testing out our friendships: for who enjoys us and hates us?

So, blinking and turning Minami searches for his lamp light. He turns it on and he must shut his eyes, too much light in a  room where only darkness used to rest in. But it is a nice change, once he grows used to the light. Perhaps today will actually be something worth forward looking to.

We all cannot erase sadness or any emotion we’ve had in the past, but we can look forward to things that make us happy. Things that makes us glad we are here with every fiber of our being, we too can achieve happiness, even if the steel chains of reality and thy world keep us down.

There can be faith in you, us, we as a whole. We can stick with friends, people who make harmony in troubled things. It is good to use what is around you, to be grateful for the things we have now. Life can be beautiful, if we think of it as such.

Even if this light feeling within Minami Natsume goes away tomorrow, he’ll be glad it came today.